How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
