my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
