i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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