i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
