You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
