i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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