I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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