What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
