If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
