I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
