you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
