I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
