I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
