Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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