Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
