champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
