True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
