I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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