His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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