Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
