can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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