Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
