Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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