you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
