I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
