I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
