it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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