my sisters under your porch take her home
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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