I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
