I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
