8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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