Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
