i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
