My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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