Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
