Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
