but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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