Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
