Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
