giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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