Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
