we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
