marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
