I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
