i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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