are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
