I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
