How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
