Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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