The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
