just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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