when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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