How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
